How does this sound? "Patched with flour sacks, whether furled or limp, the flag signaled permanent defeat." Passive voice isn't used exactly. 'Patched with flour sacks' is used as the first adjectival phrase. 'Whether furled or limp' is a second adjectival phrase. Correct?
As for your paragraph about Preston Hughes, what do you think of …
How does this sound? "Patched with flour sacks, whether furled or limp, the flag signaled permanent defeat." Passive voice isn't used exactly. 'Patched with flour sacks' is used as the first adjectival phrase. 'Whether furled or limp' is a second adjectival phrase. Correct?
As for your paragraph about Preston Hughes, what do you think of this?
The original pages are splattered with the author’s blood, the journal having fallen from his grasp, arterial spray bleeding–bright blood bleeding–between the letters and the fibers of each page, hiding forever the letters he’d written–his forever declarations of love–to be delivered, presumably, upon her death. Death came, instead, for Preston Hughes, long-time producer and would-be villain if he left the journal for me to find. First the bloody journal. Then the bloody woman. Then the man I thought I knew.
After all, bloody, to the Brits, is tantamount to saying "fucking journal" and "fucking woman" has a double meaning, negative and perhaps positive? If she fucks, she might well be friendly, right? :) But the thrust of the paragraph is the teaser at the end: Then the man I thought I knew.
How does this sound? "Patched with flour sacks, whether furled or limp, the flag signaled permanent defeat." Passive voice isn't used exactly. 'Patched with flour sacks' is used as the first adjectival phrase. 'Whether furled or limp' is a second adjectival phrase. Correct?
As for your paragraph about Preston Hughes, what do you think of this?
The original pages are splattered with the author’s blood, the journal having fallen from his grasp, arterial spray bleeding–bright blood bleeding–between the letters and the fibers of each page, hiding forever the letters he’d written–his forever declarations of love–to be delivered, presumably, upon her death. Death came, instead, for Preston Hughes, long-time producer and would-be villain if he left the journal for me to find. First the bloody journal. Then the bloody woman. Then the man I thought I knew.
After all, bloody, to the Brits, is tantamount to saying "fucking journal" and "fucking woman" has a double meaning, negative and perhaps positive? If she fucks, she might well be friendly, right? :) But the thrust of the paragraph is the teaser at the end: Then the man I thought I knew.
The possibilities are staggering! 😃 I've taken some inspiration from your stories in writing this one