Chapter 9: The Last Temptation of Winnie-the-Pooh

Eeyore stops with surprise at the sight of Pooh, like a child at Christmas finding socks beneath the tree.

Based upon and including sections from the works of A. A. Milne.

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The Last Temptation of Winnie-the-Pooh.

Chapter Nine

Eeyore stops with surprise at the sight of Pooh, like a child at Christmas finding socks beneath the tree.

‘How are you, Eeyore?’ asks Pooh.

‘Not very how,’ says Eeyore. ‘I don’t suppose I’ll ever feel very how ever again.’

‘No, I don’t suppose any of us will.’

Eeyore glances to the side. ‘You never can tell with some.’

‘No, you cannot,’ says Pooh. ‘Especially roosters.’

‘If you’re done with your visit,’ says Eeyore. ‘I’ve come to pay my respects.’

Pooh struggles. ‘It’s not that I want to be in the way.’ 

And squirms. ‘I’d very much like to make room.’

And surrenders. ‘But frankly, I’m stuck.’

Eeyore considers the situation. ‘Very poor taste, Pooh.’

‘The rooster made me do it.’

‘If the it in question was getting up this morning,’ says Eeyore, ‘then the rooster is guilty. Otherwise, the charge is facilius.’

Pooh stares. ‘You’ll have to forgive me, Eeyore. I don’t speak donkey, not so much of which to speak of.’

‘Facilius means very easy.’

‘Are you sure? After all, it’s such a difficult word.”

‘What it means, Pooh, is not everyone blames others for their mistakes, and some of us don’t.’

‘I didn’t choose to be stuck,’ says Pooh. ‘I just needed a bit of comforting, and perhaps my bit became a bite too many. Still, it’s all well and good to judge, but this wouldn’t be an issue if holes were more accommodating.’

‘We all need comforting,’ says Eeyore, ‘if we can find it.’

‘Christopher Robin would say there’s comfort enough for all of us, if we share, and I did intend to share, but--’ Pooh pauses for a moment, clears his throat, and then tells Eeyore all about Owl and Tigger.

Eeyore lowers his head and stares gloomily at the ground. ‘They followed the same train of thought, but Owl followed it to the end of the line.’

‘Not every thought you follow is the best thought to follow... to the end,’ says Pooh.

‘I know that train,’ says Eeyore.

Pooh thought for a moment. ‘There are no trains in the Hundred Acre Wood.’

‘Some you carry with you until they carry you.’

‘A train would be a terribly heavy thing to carry.’

‘It is, Pooh,’ said Eeyore. ‘It is.’

‘Do you carry just one car or all, from engine to caboose?’

‘It’s a metaphor for those who understand such things, and not all of us can.’

‘What’s a meta for?’

‘Being self-referential.’

‘Ah,’ said Pooh. ‘If I’d refereed myself earlier, I wouldn’t be stuck in the hole now. Only, I don’t own a whistle. Maybe I can borrow one from the train, if I should see it again.’

‘You will, Pooh,’ said Eeyore. ‘We all see the train from time to time, and some of us more often than is convenient.’

‘So often? How should you ever afford the tickets?’

‘I ran away, and now Christopher Robin is gone from us forever.’

‘I wonder...’ says Pooh.

‘There are no roosters to blame. I ran and it was me who did the running.’

‘I was wondering something else, something about the train. Maybe this is a station. Christopher Robin could be standing on the platform in his uniform, welcoming you off before you go so far that you can’t come back.’

‘But he’s not, is he?’ asks Eeyore.

Pooh tries to look over his own shoulder, but the rock and sand stand in the way.

Eeyore looks up, straight at the sandy wall, as if he stares right through to where Christopher Robin lies. He shakes his head. ‘Wherever he’s gone, he’s not here, and where he’s gone, we don’t know.’ He lets out a low sigh. ‘And we don’t know the way. I tried to say so, but why should anyone listen to me?’

‘Because,’ says Pooh, but before he can say what cause may be, Eeyore turns and walks away.

And Pooh is left lonely again.

A little later, the littlest friends come to visit, Roo jumping and Piglet running and puffing, trying to keep up.

‘Hallo, Pooh!’ says Roo.

‘Hallo, Roo,’ says Winnie-the-Pooh.

Piglet pauses for a moment to catch his breath. Then at last, he says, ‘Oh, Pooh!’

‘Hallo, Piglet,’ says Pooh. ‘I’m sorry I’m in the way.’

‘You’re not in the way,’ says Piglet. ‘You’re the bravest bear I know.’

‘I am?’

‘You’re protecting Christopher Robin.’

‘I am?’

‘Nothing’s going to get by you, Pooh,’ says Piglet.

‘I haven’t felt very brave, out here all alone with my thoughts and my memories.’ 

‘But you aren’t alone,’ says Piglet. ‘You have Christopher Robin, and he has you.’

Roo looks up, his eyebrows wrinkled and his head cocked to one side. ‘If you have Christopher Robin, maybe you should give him back. Mamma misses him very much.’

‘I wish I could,’ says Pooh. “I miss him too.’

‘We all do,’ says Piglet.

‘Why?’ asked Roo. ‘Why can’t you give him back?’

‘Well, he’s on a shelf, you see.’

‘Ah,’ says Roo. ‘It’s like Rabbit said.’

‘Rabbit said what?’ asks Piglet.

‘Pooh’s being shelf-ish.’

‘I am?’ asks Pooh.

‘Rabbit says it’s what Pooh does best.’

Pooh feels deflated, if not any smaller. ‘I suppose he’s right, you know.’

‘I knew a shellfish,’ says Piglet. ‘He was a c-crabby fella.’

‘You’d be crabby, too, if you were stuck in Christopher Robin’s grave,’ says Pooh.

‘Do you think it’s about time to be unstuck?’ asks Piglet.

‘I don’t know, Piglet. I haven’t got a watch.’

‘I’ll keep watch,’ announces Roo, and he stands up straight and at attention and with a very hard expression.

‘Oh my,’ says Piglet. ‘Keeping time must be a very serious job.’

‘It is,’ says Pooh. ‘A train runs on time, or so I’ve heard.’

‘Where does a train run to, Pooh?’

Pooh tries to remember what Eeyore said, something about Owl and Tigger following the same train, only Tigger got off early. 

‘Where it takes you, Piglet,’ says Pooh, ‘depends on how far you ride.’

Chapter 10: The Last Temptation of Winnie-the-Pooh