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The Last Temptation of Winnie-the-Pooh.
Chapter Three
In the upstairs room in Piglet’s house, everyone waited, the fluff of their cheeks blushing red like a star’s final gasp, like the burning distance of a low horizon which Pooh wished never to reach, no matter how brave nor how bold the expotition. Christopher Robin gestured for his friends to sit.
‘None of you have washed your neighbor’s feet,’ he said.
‘My neighbor’s a reticulated python,’ said Tigger. ‘The very idea of washing her feet is reticulous.’
Christopher Robin went downstairs, and Pooh, thinking he might need someone to tell him where to find the honey, followed after him. Christopher Robin had just retrieved a towel for himself when Piglet stirred on the couch and gave a very big yawn with his very tiny mouth.
‘Did I sleep through it all?’ Piglet asked. ‘I’m going to miss the very big adventure, aren’t I?’
‘My dear Piglet,’ Christopher Robin said, ‘the whole adventure is about you.’
Piglet shrank down inside his towel. ‘I don’t need to be in the adventure. I just want to s-see it, to be able to say I was there and tell my friends about all the b-brave things I saw from a v-very safe distance.’
‘Sleep for now,’ Christopher Robin said. ‘Soon you’ll see as much as you wish to see and run away to a very safe distance.’
Piglet smiled and closed his eyes. ‘That sounds f-fine.’
Christopher Robin wrapped a towel around his own waist and poured a bucket of water. Pooh returned to his chair just as Christopher Robin set the bucket at Tigger’s feet, wet his cloth, and began to scrub.
With a howl of surprise, Tigger bounced away. ‘You’ll never wash my feet! Besides, it isn’t even Saturday.’
‘If I don’t wash your feet, you have no part of me.’
Tigger stopped still. His eyes shifted prismatically, like dry hills set ablaze by lightning, and he bounded back again. ‘Then not just my feet! Wash ALL of me!’
‘Silly, Tigger,’ Christopher Robin said. ‘For those who have had a bath, the feet are enough.’
Tigger giggled and then let out a long purr. ‘I’m terribly ticklish.’
One by one, Christopher Robin washed everybody’s feet.
Kanga blushed. ‘Is it your turn, Christopher Robin?’
‘Only water, not perfume,’ Christopher Robin said. They had done this before, you see.
Rabbit rolled her eyes. ‘I still say it was a waste.’
Christopher Robin turned to Rabbit next, but Rabbit wrinkled her nose and backed away. ‘Roo’s eager, I’m sure,’ she said. ‘Meanwhile, I’ll get some fresh water.’
She hurried downstairs, and when she returned with a fresh bucket, Roo was splashing happily in the old one. Rabbit let out a deep sigh. ‘The poor we’ll have with us, always.’
‘What’s that, dear?’ asked Kanga.
‘Never you mind.’ Rabbit gathered dishes from the table. ‘I was just noting that the trash needs taking out.’
‘Stay still, Rabbit,’ Christopher Robin said and knelt beside her. ‘Today, I wash your feet, but afterward, you will wash one another’s.’
Tigger bounced downstairs. ‘I’m first!’
Roo splashed after him. ‘I’m first, too!’
Water sloshed out and ran between the floorboards. Eeyore eyed the water, and Kanga ran after Roo.
‘Well, anyhow,’ said Eeyore, ‘it isn’t rain.’
Soon, Tigger returned with one bucket and Kanga and Roo with another. Everyone washed everyone’s feet, and water sloshed everywhere and ran between the floorboards.
Downstairs, the water rose and rose, and the sofa, rising with it, spun three times and floated out the front door with Piglet fast asleep.
Upstairs, Christopher Robin folded his towel and set it aside. ‘Rabbit, it’s time.’
Rabbit, who had been washing Eeyore’s feet, twitched her ears. ‘It’s time?’
Tigger, who had been washing all of Roo, looked up. ‘Time for what, exactly?’
‘It’s time to go to Rabbit’s garden,’ said Christopher Robin.
They jumped from their buckets and bounced from their chairs, and when they had all said 'Here we go' and 'Right behind you,' they bounded down the steps, through ankle-deep water, and out the door.
Pooh found Piglet down the lane and woke him with a nudge. There was no time to go back to the house, not when the others were so far ahead. So, Piglet followed along with his towel still wrapped around his waist, and Pooh and Piglet walked thoughtfully together in the golden evening. For a long time they were silent.
‘Was it a good party?’ asked Piglet. ‘Was there enough food?’
‘There’s never enough honey,’ said Pooh.
‘Oh, dear.’
‘It was a very good party,’ said Pooh. ‘For some things, there can never be enough, and for others, there can never be too few. I suppose it was never meant to be otherwise.’
Meanwhile, Christopher Robin’s friends argued over who should be first when Christopher Robin came into his kingdom. Kanga said Tigger would be lovely, and Rabbit gave an eloquent defense of Owl.
'Rabbit's very smart; isn't she, Pooh?' said Piglet.
'Oh yes,' said Pooh. 'I think that's why she’s so grumpy. She has a brain for what needs to be done, and when you know what needs to be done, you're often alone to do it.'
'I'm s-sure I don't understand,' said Piglet.
Pooh told him about a time they were all at Rabbit's house, and Rabbit was cooking supper while Christopher Robin told stories.
'Rabbit marched out of the kitchen and said, Christopher Robin, tell Pooh to help me in the kitchen. I was sitting and listening to the stories, you see, and Christopher Robin said, Pooh has chosen the better part.'
'The better part of what?' asked Piglet.
'The better part of eating supper, I suppose,' said Pooh.
'I wish I were as smart as Rabbit,' said Piglet.
'Christopher Robin says we're all special in our own ways. Eeyore is very brave, which is why he's so gloomy. When you're brave enough to face your fears, you’re often left alone to face them.'
'Is he?' Piglet asked. 'Very brave, I mean?'
Pooh told how very recently and not too long ago, they were far away from the Hundred Acre Wood, safe from those who didn’t want Christopher Robin to be king, when a message came saying a relation of Rabbit's, whom Christopher Robin loved very much, was sick.
'I think Christopher Robin meant to go right away. I know I did, but suddenly it was later. Christopher Robin gathered us together and told us our friend was dead, and we must return to the Hundred Acre Wood. Tigger and Owl tried to talk him out of it, but Christopher Robin had set his face for the Hundred Acre Wood.’
Piglet tried to make a serious and determined face, but Pooh thought it looked more like he’d eaten a bad jar of honey.
Pooh went on. ‘That's when Eeyore cleared his throat and said, If he's going to the Hundred Acre Wood to die, we might as well go and die with him.'
'That is very brave,' said Piglet.
'And very sad,' said Pooh.
'But everyone was happy when you came,' said Piglet.
'Not right away,' said Pooh. 'Everyone was weeping, and Rabbit told Christopher Robin that if he’d been here, her relation would not have died.'
'And then even Christopher R-Robin was crying.'
'Even Christopher Robin,' said Pooh, 'but he ordered them to roll the stone away from the tomb.'
'I thought for sure there’d be a smell,' said Piglet.
'But Rabbit's relation walked out like it was only Tuesday.'
'Was it Tuesday?'
'There's no way to be sure,' Pooh said. 'Days never stay together in a line but fall every which way. It’s why we call them a Weak.'
'Oh,' said Piglet, who was very impressed.
Then a great shout came from ahead, and Pooh and Piglet stood still. The shout had come from Christopher Robin, and what he had shouted was this:
‘Get behind me, Woozle!’
A great eldritch wind blew through the garden, carrying the distant howl of the damned, and Pooh felt a touch of dread creep along his soul.
The group gathered just outside Rabbit’s garden, but Christopher Robin and Tigger stood aside from the others. Tigger shrunk like a spring that had lost its bounce, and Christopher Robin looked grumpy and gloomy, all at once.
‘You don’t know what you’re asking,’ Christopher Robin said. ‘Can you drink the cup I drink?’
Tigger looked in each of Christopher Robin’s hands and then on the ground, just to be sure. ‘Your cup is still at Piglet’s. I can get it, if you want. I can be as quickly as any old Owl.’
Christopher Robin rubbed Tigger’s head. ‘Tigger, to sit at my right or my left is not for me to decide.’
Tigger squeezed one eye closed. ‘I thought being king was getting whatever you want.’
Christopher Robin turned to address them all, even Piglet and Pooh. ‘What I want is for all of you to keep watch.’
‘Keep watch for what?’ asked Rabbit.
Christopher Robin didn’t seem to hear, which didn’t seem much like Christopher Robin, at all.
‘I am very nearly overwhelmed,’ he said and walked into the garden, alone. The mournful wind tousled the leaves behind him.
"A great eldritch wind blew through the garden, carrying the distant howl of the damned, and Pooh felt a touch of dread creep along his soul." This goes so hard.
What was most disturbing was that fact that each quote came out in their natural voices in my head. Well done.