3 Comments
User's avatar
Pablo Báez's avatar

I’m humbled and honored to be up, cut open and displayed as I am here.

I can see where my intent and motivation pushed me towards to, but, at the same time I can see where my ignorance and lack of understanding of certain elements undermined what I tried to accomplish. I will take your advice and go back to the workshop.

Again, I appreciate you for doing this. Gave me a birthday present two weeks earlier.

Expand full comment
Thaddeus Thomas's avatar

Harpy birthday! Getting feedback is always hard, but your story is something special.

Expand full comment
S M Garratt's avatar

This is a thoughtful deconstruction of a work in progress. Kudos to Pablo Baez for exposing himself in this way and to Thaddeus for his care in dissecting the work. I enjoyed the story for the first half. The tone, structure, and style match the club's frenetic atmosphere and bring the whole to life without describing laborious details. I also got lost in the second half as the pace sped up and more characters were introduced. Still, I also marvelled at the vision to twist and bend the form - the whole ended up feeling like I was watching three choreographed dances happening simultaneously... which I think was the intent. I hope Pablo can take your notes on board and grace us with another version. I will read it for sure.

Expand full comment