very nice Thomas. I like the fact I read to the end but then went back to the beginning and read with new eyes. like this sentence reads very differently the second time around: "If only he could smile and hide the torrent of pain and humiliation throbbing within his ruined face and betraying his indignation at the dignity he’d been deni…
very nice Thomas. I like the fact I read to the end but then went back to the beginning and read with new eyes. like this sentence reads very differently the second time around: "If only he could smile and hide the torrent of pain and humiliation throbbing within his ruined face and betraying his indignation at the dignity he’d been denied, not once but always"
amazing work to sort of obfuscate the failure of his suicide like that.
I liked elizabeth's meekness turning to strength and Theodora being a foil to Theodore-- in the end, it was kind of like, who REALLY was wielding the gun? Emotion can be a powerful weapon indeed.
could maybe do with some tightening up in places just to make it shorter, probably with descriptions, just to make the major points move more quickly.
I actually think this is perfect to submit somewhere for just that reason--I felt like I was reading a lit mag more than a Substack post. In fact, I think it makes a far better submission than Substack post, if only for the length. I'd submit it many places, hang on to it for a year, and if no bites, post it. I certainly would have restacked this.
very nice Thomas. I like the fact I read to the end but then went back to the beginning and read with new eyes. like this sentence reads very differently the second time around: "If only he could smile and hide the torrent of pain and humiliation throbbing within his ruined face and betraying his indignation at the dignity he’d been denied, not once but always"
amazing work to sort of obfuscate the failure of his suicide like that.
I liked elizabeth's meekness turning to strength and Theodora being a foil to Theodore-- in the end, it was kind of like, who REALLY was wielding the gun? Emotion can be a powerful weapon indeed.
could maybe do with some tightening up in places just to make it shorter, probably with descriptions, just to make the major points move more quickly.
I actually think this is perfect to submit somewhere for just that reason--I felt like I was reading a lit mag more than a Substack post. In fact, I think it makes a far better submission than Substack post, if only for the length. I'd submit it many places, hang on to it for a year, and if no bites, post it. I certainly would have restacked this.
Thank you so much for this!