This story, though one of tragedy, is beautifully written, and though it provides a glimpse of the lives told within, the story itself feels complete. I have little feedback except, perhaps, to consider flipping the order of these two paragraphs to close the scene (because the visual you created matches better with the gun, I think, than…
This story, though one of tragedy, is beautifully written, and though it provides a glimpse of the lives told within, the story itself feels complete. I have little feedback except, perhaps, to consider flipping the order of these two paragraphs to close the scene (because the visual you created matches better with the gun, I think, than the notion that Elizabeth has never been loved):
No one could be trusted, and she found herself alone, awake but dreaming of Theodore dead, air sucking through a mask splattered and intermingled with bone and meat, a few teeth dangling at the edges of his jaw.
No one had ever loved her, and every moment was like the last, guards on parade.
For submission opps, if you haven't done so already, ChillSubs allows you to browse thousands of submission spots, filtering by open calls, payment terms, genre, length, and more and cuts down on otherwise heavy publisher research time.
If you choose to submit and this piece gets published, I will happily read it again and help you spread the word. <3
This story, though one of tragedy, is beautifully written, and though it provides a glimpse of the lives told within, the story itself feels complete. I have little feedback except, perhaps, to consider flipping the order of these two paragraphs to close the scene (because the visual you created matches better with the gun, I think, than the notion that Elizabeth has never been loved):
No one could be trusted, and she found herself alone, awake but dreaming of Theodore dead, air sucking through a mask splattered and intermingled with bone and meat, a few teeth dangling at the edges of his jaw.
No one had ever loved her, and every moment was like the last, guards on parade.
For submission opps, if you haven't done so already, ChillSubs allows you to browse thousands of submission spots, filtering by open calls, payment terms, genre, length, and more and cuts down on otherwise heavy publisher research time.
If you choose to submit and this piece gets published, I will happily read it again and help you spread the word. <3
Thank you