Chapter 5: The Last Temptation of Winnie-the-Pooh

Pooh thought he was still dreaming as Christopher Robin stood over them and said, ‘It’s too late now,’ and ‘Here they come.’

Jun 15, 2024

The Last Temptation of Winnie-the-Pooh.

Chapter Five

Pooh thought he was still dreaming as Christopher Robin stood over them and said, ‘It’s too late now,’ and ‘Here they come.’

Pooh uncurled from his dream and stood up from his sleep, and there was Owl, marching smartly toward them with a dozen others behind, twelve animals buried inside guard uniforms—a badger, a squirrel, a beaver, a doe, a beetle, a tree frog, a dormouse, a mole, a lynx and a wildcat, a shrew and a vole—each one identical, a part of the whole.

‘Hallo, Owl,’ said Pooh.

Christopher Robin’s friends came running—Rabbit, Piglet, Kanga and Roo, and soon the garden was full with everyone packed in, muzzle to tail.

‘W-what’s happening, Pooh?’ asked Piglet.

‘That depends on whether we’re dreaming,’ said Pooh.

‘I’m not sure,’ said Piglet.

‘I’m not, either,’ said Pooh.

Owl didn’t tell Pooh hallo back. Instead, he said to one of the guards, ‘You’ll know which one is Christopher Robin because he’s the one I’ll kiss.’

‘We know who he is,’ said the guard.

‘Just watch and see,’ said Owl. ‘You’ll understand soon enough.’

‘We understand now,’ said the guard.

‘Patience,’ said Owl. ‘You can’t expect to know everything all at once. These things take time.’ And then he squeezed his way through, saying ‘pardon me’ to Rabbit and ‘excuse me’ to Roo, until finally he stood face-to-chest with Christopher Robin.

‘Hallo, Owl,’ said Christopher Robin.

‘Hallo, Christopher Robin,’ said Owl.

‘Do you betray me with a kiss?’ asked Christopher Robin.

‘I don’t know,’ said Owl. ‘You’ve gotten rather tall.’ With no room to flap his wings and bring himself to Christopher Robin’s height, instead he took Christopher Robin’s hand and pulled him down to his knees. Now, at last, they were face-to-face.

Piglet asked Pooh, ‘Does Owl know what to watch for?’

‘If anyone knows anything about anything,’ said Pooh, ‘it's Owl who knows something about something, or my name's not Winnie-the-Pooh.’

‘Which it is,’ said Piglet.

Owl looked into Christopher Robin’s sad eyes and said, ‘Well, the customary procedure in such cases...’ and kissed him on the cheek. (It was more of a peck, really.)

All of the friends watched in confusion but with hope. ‘Owl and Christopher Robin will get this woozle matter settled,’ Rabbit said. ‘He seems to have brought a lot of friends,’ said Kanga. ‘I want a helmet,’ said Roo. ‘Maybe for your birthday, dear,’ said Kanga. ‘Christopher Robin’s kneeling down to better hear his wisdom,’ said Rabbit. ‘He is a wise, wise bird,’ said Kanga.

‘I’m every bit as wise as him,’ said Tigger.

‘You’re a wise bird, too, dear,’ said Kanga.

Owl kissed Christopher Robin. The guards ran forward, and everything changed.

For the briefest of moments, Tigger pulled himself up tall, and with a switch broken from one of Rabbit’s plants—

‘My hazel!’ cried Rabbit.

—Tigger charged and swung, and the roach’s helmet rolled to the ground at Christopher Robin’s feet with the poor roach’s head still inside.

‘Stop!’ Christopher Robin yelled, and everybody stopped.

Christopher Robin picked up the helmet and knelt beside the roach, who held up a dagger in a threatening way but in the wrong direction, apparently not entirely pleased with having lost his head. Christopher Robin shook out the helmet and placed the empty helmet back on the roach’s shoulders. The roach patted the helmet and, content to have been made whole again, walked into a tree.

‘If you spend your life dodging the sword,’ Christopher Robin said, looking straight at Tigger, ‘you’ve missed the point.’

Now that the thoughtless moment of bravery had passed, Tigger began to think, and when he thought, he ran. The others ran with him.

A guard grabbed the towel around Piglet’s waist, but Piglet slipped free and ran away naked. Roo jumped out of Kanga’s arms. Rabbit pulled Kanga away by the tail. Eeyore charged into the crowd, following Roo, but swords flashed and shields crashed, and Eeyore was sent running, with his own tail left behind.

Pooh was so busy being surprised, he entirely forgot to run. He watched the guards tie Christopher Robin’s wrists and march him off in the direction of the big clearing at the center of the Hundred Acre Wood.

Left all alone, Pooh plucked Eeyore’s tail from the ground. He looked twice for Roo, but never found him. Finally, he followed Christopher Robin and Owl, and as he followed, he saw (now and then) Tigger following at a distance.

Owl led the way, and when he reached the place where they were going, there were more guards waiting, guards in alders and guards in ash, guards in spindles and guards in plum. In the center of the clearing stood a tall oak tree, and squirrels and sparrows and long-tailed tits tittered together about what to do about Christopher Robin.

The guard in the willow told Pooh to leave, but Pooh was known to the European robin, who was not related to Christopher Robin but who was the High Priest of the Hundred Acre Wood. The European robin allowed Pooh to stay, and when Tigger drew close enough, Pooh asked the guards to let Tigger stay too.

Behind Tigger, Roo followed.

At the great oak, a greenfinch said to Christopher Robin, ‘Are you the king of the Hundred Acre Wood?’

But as they were talking, a relation of Rabbit’s saw Tigger huddled at the edge of the clearing. She said, ‘You look familiar. You’re one of Christopher Robin’s friends.’

Roo bounced excitedly.

Tigger waved Roo away. ‘You’re talking jibber-jabber.’

Rabbit’s relation circled around and came at him the other way. ‘I’ve seen you with him.’

Tigger scoffed. ‘Stay off them fermented wrath-berries.’

‘You’re one of Christopher Robin’s bestest friends,’ said Rabbit’s relation.

Tigger looked at the crowd of woodland creatures who looked back at him. ‘It’s preposterous. I don’t even know the boy.’

Roo bounced up into a tree and crowed, ‘Tonight, we were at Christopher Robin’s party, and when he’s king, Tigger will be Christopher Robin’s right-hand friend!’

Tigger stood very still. He looked up at Roo and then down at Christopher Robin, and when Christopher Robin looked back at him, Tigger ran.

Pooh watched him go. Tigger didn’t bounce, and he didn’t holler. He didn’t act much like Tigger at all, and Pooh said to himself that it must have been somebody else.

Roo jumped down beside Winnie-the-Pooh. ‘Where’s Tigger going?’

The animal that looked like Tigger tucked his tail between his legs and ran deep into the wood, so deep into the wood, Pooh wondered if anyone would ever see him again.

As they were watching where the Tigger-shaped animal disappeared, someone small, no bigger than Roo, came up beside them. Pooh looked down, and there was Piglet.

Piglet paused for a moment to catch his breath. Then at last, he said, ‘Oh, Pooh! You’re the bravest bear I know.’

‘I am?’ asked Pooh.

‘He is?’ asked Roo.

‘He is,’ said Piglet. ‘I was running away, and in the middle of running away, I remembered what you said about woozles.’

‘Oh?’ said Pooh. ‘What did I say? My words seem to have gotten lost among so many other things.’

‘You said Christopher Robin told us we were hunting our own tracks,’ said Piglet, ‘but Pooh, he didn’t tell us that.’

‘He didn’t?’ asked Pooh.

‘He told you, but I’d run away, Pooh. I never heard that those weren’t woozle tracks.’

‘I see,’ said Pooh, although he wasn’t sure he saw, at all, really.

‘Watch the tracks I can make!’ cried Roo, and he bounced around in circles.

‘I thought maybe Christopher Robin would say something, and I wouldn’t be there to hear him. So I came back.’

‘You did?’ said Pooh.

‘I found my towel, and I followed Roo, who followed Tigger, who followed you as you followed Christopher Robin,’ said Piglet.

‘And here you are,’ said Pooh.

‘Has Christopher Robin said anything?’ Piglet asked.

Pooh and Piglet turned to see what Christopher Robin would say, and Roo stopped jumping in circles and settled down beside them. All the woodland creatures drew in close, as the European robin and those with him circled Christopher Robin beneath the great oak tree. The clearing in the middle of the Hundred Acre Wood fell silent and dark as the stars drew in veils of cloud.

A cold wind blew and a gray light rose in the east. The fowls roosting in the branches stirred and called one to the other. A crow landed in the clearing and several more circled overhead.

‘Looks like we’ll have a murder soon,’ said Pooh.